Saturday, September 22, 2007

I’m in shock. I’m scared. I saw a side of my boyfriend tonight that I never want to see again. As dramatic as it sounds, I almost feel paralyzed with fear. No, he didn’t hit me or anything like that. However, he did yell at me…we’re talking cussing, getting in my face…to the point where his friends stepped in and told him to stop talking to me like that.

He was so drunk he told ME to get a cab. Um, yeah…we came in MY car. I’m sober. He’s drunk. Why the heck would I get a cab when I have MY CAR. Clearly, he was wasted. We were supposed to be celebrating Nikki’s birthday and I feel awful that she had to put up with this. I broke down, mainly because I was embarrassed that he caused such a scene. We were at Joe T. Garcia’s restaurant in downtown Ft. Worth. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a HUGE restaurant - we’re talking hundreds of people.

He was waiting at the car when we went to the parking lot. Thank god Hunter and Amy rode with us. I didn’t want to cause another scene by telling him not to get in my car - so we all got in the car. I should have left him there, but what would that have solved? I heard him mumble something along the lines of how “pissed” he was to Hunter.

For the first time in my life, I’m scared of him. When we all got back to the apartment and Hunter and Amy left the car and went up to their apartment…he rushed inside. I was left behind and he was already inside when I began walking up the stairs. I walked slowly on purpose, taking my time. I was scared to death of going inside and being with him alone. It’s hard to explain, but the way he talked to me…it scared me. I feel like I can’t breathe. I’m afraid to go into my own bedroom.

Alcohol brings out a side of him that is evil. He turns into someone I don’t know. He scares me.
I have to get out. I know I have to get out of this. I can’t be with him.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I did it. I joined blogger. I must admit, I'm a dedicated member of Open Diary and have been for over 5 years. I pay for my diary over there and I often wonder why? I'm just not feeling it over there.

So, here I am :-)